One Concussion Too Many
Photo by BLACKSTONE
For awhile now my body has been telling me a change is happening.
A crazy horse accident resulted in loss of consciousness, confusion and a broken spirit. The concussion, combined with triggered PTSD, was merciless for over a year. Peripheral neuropathy was diagnosed in partial explanation of repeated falls. Short-term memory was erratic at best. Language compromised- unable to easily find the right word. The life blood of writing was restricted.
Each day blended into the next as time stood still. Episodes of shortness of breath and perpetual fatigue. Even as isolation took hold, daily living was overwhelming. Grocery shopping was impossible with the stimulation of motion, lights, and sound.
My PTSD meds got out of balance. Then I can’t remember.
I’m not sure when I hit bottom and truly rested. I don’t know when the spirit of “Phoenix” resilience began to arise. In retrospect, I am glad I have faith in this miracle.
It was a rocky journey. The enormous accomplishment of walking successfully across the room was humbling. I eventually noticed the garden again and was able to get my hands in the dirt. This has always been a steady source for grounding and healing that grows stronger with each attempt.
I found I could begin to write, as the capacity for sequential thinking slowly returned. This was soothing. My daily pattern of horse care became the base for regaining a sense of time and purpose. Finally, the meds were back in balance.
I realize and accept that somehow in the midst of all this I have written a book on contentment. Go figure. Not sure exactly how I did this. I realized later that this learning and teaching was gifted. As such, my sense of spirituality has returned.
The path is not without setbacks. I bruised some ribs in another fall. I realize my finances are in disarray as I couldn’t comprehend bills and organization for a long while. Kidney stones caused a temporary return to confusion. Pain predictably rattles my mental health balance.
Last week I was diagnosed with severe osteoporosis. This is another message from my body… that change is about loss (bone and more) as well as possibility. Bones are about structure. Perhaps their dissolution has a preparatory meaning.
Something big is coming my way….the stars are aligning! Every ounce of my being understands this now even as my body has been signaling this for some time. I hope I will continue to enjoy clear cognition…I don’t want to miss out on the adventure. I am grateful for this awareness for there is truth to the sentiment of “cracking open.” My mission is to be present!
Pearl and I will talk about this today.
