74
This birthday has been a long time coming. It has felt well over 2 years. You can read Penny’s Gift to understand this altered time sense. The year has been packed with recovery from a slew of medical challenges. I think ‘getting well’ can seem frustratingly slow which is probably part of feeling the year has been SO long. I would say I am approaching the 80% well marker.
Today I turn 74. It is my birthday along with the nation’s. I score far higher on wellness than our country at this point but that will be another blog post. Today I am writing to see what I have to say. I do the reflection thing a lot…always have. I am fairly entertained by the world and offerings of the moment. I love the surprise that shows itself with enough attention. This requires a certain amount of patience which I am finally acquiring. Illness forces this to some extent but I have seen it expand into my art.
I began watercolor this year. It has been a big deal in ways I am only beginning to see. I have spent many hours learning about colors and their many values. It feels like an infinity expression! On top of that, with fluidity they dance. With some colors there is almost an explosion when they mix. Subtle and intense stories everywhere. They say managing water flow is critical but some days I like the wildness more. I’m just along for the ride. Other days control for precision is the goal. I rarely achieve this! As I listen to myself I know I am describing a lot of my realizations about life and full kairos living. Amazing how what you need finds you. I am grateful for this new watercolor discovery. It will stand me well.
My grandchildren have also had a remarkable year, each in their own way. Since I experience them as an extension of lifeblood I am as tuned in as I can be with the distance. Lives are lived apart. This still is a pain point for me but perhaps not as sharp as it once was.
My life seems to run in very distinct chapters. Feels like a stone skipping across a water’s surface in retrospect. Each hit is actually a full story in itself with total immersion. I sense the pattern and have come to appreciate this. I continue to learn about embracing the unknown, even appreciating uncertainty. I now know there will be surprises and that I can count on resilience in one form or another.
I surmise it is the rhythm of the skipping stone’s hits that will eventually fall into some semblance of meaning as it is increasingly calling itself to my attention. I am certain it’s a god thing. Aging for me does seem like spiritual growth balancing physical loss. I expect this will continue. I make a lot of choices now that look like surrender. Intention does not always show.
My blood pressure is now the hurdle. It is all over the place. I believe I have been talked into some interventions that are not right for me. This will change. This is the edge of my repeat learning. The past week’s numbers have proven my intuition correct. It is not like me to have yielded to compliance when I didn’t feel solid partnership with the decisions. The medical system is tricky that way. It will easily swallow you whole in diagnostics not needed and plans of care that aren’t personalized. I do try to pace myself with these kinds of battles as they are exhausting and anxiety producing. A life can become totally about doctors, hospitals and medications. Reclamation (walking away) can add energy.
Well my mind is now firing on all cylinders and making any number of connections. My birthday present to me. I love writing my experience. I will add today’s color play to this post.
Have a great 4th of July.
