Wobble Walk
How much we take for granted! We count on up being up, down being down; that we can head for an object across the room and get there, retrieve it, and return.
I have had the recent and continuing experience of not having a clue about up and down nor the capability to retrieve accurately. This is both disturbing and comical at the same time. Which I experience depends on the day I am having.
It has been painstakingly slow figuring out why this is happening. It began with my PTSD medications getting out of whack, which is never a pretty sight. Changing meds, as many know, is not for the weak of spirit - often side effects make things worse before they get better or dosages are all wrong. In my case a room-spinning adventure began, word search problems emerged (hard for a writer). and huge resulting exhaustion. Then I started the wobble walk, which I named by it’s description. This led to a new diagnosis of peripheral neuropathy and post-concussive syndrome. I got clobbered by my horse in some strange accidents a few years back and again last summer.
The doctor is encouraging me to view these all as related - (the concussions, the anxiety of PTSD, the neuropathy) which runs counter to my analytical mind that seeks cause/effect clarity. I would like to target a solution.
What one wants doesn’t always matter!
Proprioception problems are my significant challenge right now - knowing where my feet are in space…the up/down balance thing. I probably look like the proverbial drunken soldier as I aim for the fridge…wobbling by way of the sink.
When I do my horse chores, Pearl turns to look at me and I tip over and fall down. The good news is that my reaction time is so slow I never have time to brace myself…so my wrists are intact!
This is not at all how I planned to spend this year. I am on an emotional rollercoaster of hope, discouragement, anxiety, and denial. On good days, I can advocate for myself in the medical system and see some humor. Not-so-good days require quiet and darkened rooms. My hope this year was to achieve some grace in existence and I expect the humility these health problems have forced may be part of a greater plan! Did I mention frustration?
I am writing this because I want everyone to realize there is probably someone in your world who is struggling with PTSD, nerve damage, brain injury, etc. who may be coping with health challenges. They may be very isolated and in need of connection, a ride, groceries, etc. Do not underestimate the power you hold to make a difference.
We all might celebrate what we so often take for granted.
